I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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