i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
