My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
