The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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