happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
