I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
