Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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