You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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