No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she peed on how many people?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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