I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
