Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
