i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
