I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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