I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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