Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
