Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
