I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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