He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
