dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
