Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I AM VODKA MAN
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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