I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
