Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i already hear my dad disowning me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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