Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
