Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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