Taylor Swift is so right about you.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
