Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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