I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
