forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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