I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
