i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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