oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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