btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
