I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
