Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
