I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I skipped work to stalk him.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
