I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
