i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
