got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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