You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
