Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
