No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The struggles of a small town man whore
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
