Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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