whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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