no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
