You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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