the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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