He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
