i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
