i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Small penises have feelings too.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
