Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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