Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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