Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
