I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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