my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
