"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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