i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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