I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
