My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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