So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
